FIFI AND GIGI, A CONVERSATION
Fifi: (answering her cell) Hi.
Gigi: (speaking on her cell) Hi, how are you?
Fifi: I’m on my way out the door.
Gigi: Oh, oh dear. OK that’s all right, that’s fine.
Fifi: No, what’s wrong with you. You don’t sound good.
Gigi: I’m making a distress call.
Fifi: I knew it.
Gigi: I just need a little pity party.
Fifi: I knew it. I just knew it…
Gigi: What? What do you mean I haven’t told you…
Fifi: I knew it, I knew that you would fall apart… you had this high. You made this great move, and everything is coming at you at once. It was bound to hit you.
Gigi: No wait.
Fifi: I knew this was going to happen to you. You’re over extended, you’re overextended. Am I right? I right aren’t I.
Gigi: No, that’s not, that’s not it.
Fifi: Well, you overextended yourself, didn’t you?
Gigi: No! That’s not it. (giggling) Now, now you’re making me laugh.
Fifi: What, overextending is not a good thing!
Gigi: I’m not overextended.
Fifi: What? Why are you laughing?
Gigi: You make me laugh because you’re quick to diagnose.
Fifi: Well, tell me what it is. I’m on my way out the door I’m going to a concert with a friend.
Gigi: No, I can’t tell you about it because you’re on your way out the door and I need at least 45 minutes to tell you.
Fifi: Oh well, let me see I should tell you that I’m going on a cruise I was going to ask you to go with me.
Gigi: Well, that’s great!
Fifi: Tell me what it is, I’m on my way out the door.
Gigi: I can’t, not now.
Fifi: I was going to ask you to go on the cruise with me because it’s a cheap cruise, it’s such a deal, and they are so desperate for passengers that the one person can go for free if the other person books and I know that you’re going to be teaching, so I didn’t even bother to ask. Besides I’m working on a new novel, and I really think I’m better off going by myself.
Gigi: OK, that’s wonderful I’m so glad to hear that and that’s good for you. Thanks for thinking about me.
Fifi: But I didn’t ask you, I thought about it, but I didn’t ask.
Gigi: (laughing) It’s fine, it’s just, you know, I’m not used to making distress calls.
Fifi: I know, I know what you sound like when you are in distress you’ve made distress calls before I know what’s going on.
Gigi: OK, and no! No, you don’t. You don’t know what’s going on.
Fifi: OK give me a clue you tell me what it’s about. Is it about money.
Gigi: No, no, it’s not about money.
Fifi: Is it? Are you sick? Is it about your health, are you dying?
Gigi: No, no it’s… it’s not that I’m not sick.
Fifi: Are you suicidal?
Gigi: NO! No, I’m not suicidal! (laughing hard) Hello? Hello? Oh, damn it, hello? (calling her back, gets voicemail, calls back again) Hello? are you there it’s me I’m calling back I got disconnected.
Fifi: Hello, I think I disconnected you by accident.
Gigi: It happens. That’s ok, I’m…
Fifi: I’m sorry.
Gigi: No, it’s OK. We’ll talk about this later, go to your concert.
Fifi: Yes, we’ll talk about this, when I, let me see… I’m going to the concert and then I’m going bowling but…and then I have to babysit the grandbaby, so sometime in between those things. Maybe I will have some time to talk to you, maybe if I don’t get too tired, before I fall asleep tonight.
Gigi: OK. Actually…well it’s OK you’ve made me feel better already and you are making me laugh and that’s a good thing.
Fifi: No, it’s not OK, we’ll talk about this let me see…
Gigi: You’re going bowling?
Fifi: Bowling? I haven’t gone bowling since I was a kid.
Gigi: I thought you said you were going bowling after the concert.
Fifi: I’m going out to eat after the concert. Did I say I was going bowling?
Gigi: That’s what I thought you said. That’s what I heard.
Fifi: Well, I like bowling. I’ll go bowling, I can’t go bowling now. but I’ll go bowling, I’ll do anything.
Gigi: I thought that’s what you said you were doing after the concert.
Fifi: No, I said I’m going out to eat and then I have to babysit.
Gigi: Oh, (laughing) OK you’re making me laugh.
Fifi: So, can’t you give me a hint, can’t you just tell me what it’s about, what is it?
Gigi: No, God you were making me laugh. I have to have time to talk to you about this. I can’t just tell you in passing, when you’re on your way out the door.
Fifi: Well, not for nothin, my advice is, take to your bed. That usually solves most things anyway. Just go to bed.
Gigi: Oh my God (laughing hard) I’m gonna pee my pants.
Fifi: No, no that’s it that’s that that’s just get your puppies and get into bed and cuddle and things will look better after you do. And get some sleep and you can just take some time and in the dark you will be, you’ll be fine.
Gigi: Oh my God, guess where I am right now.
Fifi: You’re in bed.
Gigi: Right with the pups.
Fifi: See, I told you…
Gigi: You’re making me laugh. I knew you’d make me feel better. I feel better already.
Fifi: I didn’t! I didn’t do anything. OK, listen I’m going, I’m leaving on Wednesday so…
Gig: So, if I don’t get a chance to talk to you, I’m gonna try and catch somebody else but this is going to pass. I know it now.
Fifi: Oh my God why don’t you tell me what it is? Can’t you, can’t you give me a hint.
Gigi: No. I told you; I have to have time to tell you about it I can’t do it in passing I need time.
Fifi: OK well I’ll call you later I love you.
Gigi: I love you too, bye.
Fifi: (to herself) What the fuck was that?
Gigi: (to herself) What the fuck was that?
Bio:
Celeste M. Walker has an MFA in Acting from The Actor’s Studio Drama School at the New School University in New York. She is a lifetime member of The Actors Studio and a member of Actors Equity. She has appeared off Broadway and in theaters in the Lehigh Valley, New York City, New Jersey, and Philadelphia. Her autobiographical solo show, COLETTE RELOADED, premiered at the 2016 Philly Fringe Festival, Philadelphia, PA and was part of The White Pines Productions Series in Philadelphia and The Selkie Theatre in Bethlehem. Her latest solo show, GHOSTED had it’s World Premiere at United Solo Festival in New York City in April, 2024, was featured at The Philadelphia Fringe Festival in September 2024, will be performed at the Civic Theatre in Allentown, PA in November of 2024 and was selected for the Binge Fringe Festival at the Santa Monica Playhouse.
OVUNQUE SIAMO 